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Spoon dance ...
 I sat on a bench by the water and watched the spoon dance. I waited for it to move down the stream but it just stayed, and danced. I thought, "How funny. From above, from where I sat, it took on many distorted shapes, like the awkward moves of those poor folk that have no rhythm. I stayed watching, nonetheless. Then the strangest thing happened. There was a rhythm and there was a pattern - as the water moved above, and around the spoon, and the awkwardness had disappeared. I became drawn to the patterns that were created before me and it suddenly dawned on me, fractals! No matter how chaotic and often 'undefined' life can seem there IS always a sense of proper order and purpose. We are often too close to a matter of concern, of situation or emotion to remember and get a grasp of the bigger picture. "The basic concept of fractals is that they contain a large degree of self similarity. This means that they usually contain little copies of themselves buried deep within the original. And they also have infinite detail."I meditated on this thought. The basic concept of creation to some degree is that there is a creator. And embedded in every creation is an essence of energy that permeates from and thru - eternity. As my thoughts wandered more towards centre, I remembered what it was I was doing before I allowed my 'self' to fall asleep ..... ..... I was moving to life's innate rhythm and although my efforts seemed awkward and fruitless at times, there was a purpose to my pattern, that overall, melded with the bigger picture. A picture that all of us had come here to paint! Beautiful artworks of our live's. HA! All that from watching a spoon dance.
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8.5.05 10:49
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"C" is for Constant
 The days have gone on into months and months into years. I was thinking of that as I watched C ironing his white shirt for work. I think a lot about time whenever I happen to glance at C and really, really take note of him. Meaning .. take notice of how long he's been in my life now. Seven years may not seem that long, but it's five years more than my marriage to J so really, that's a long time for even me. He's not complicated and he's not about drama-drama as much as I am. As a matter of fact, he's the most balanced and Zen-like person I have ever met. I should stand to learn something from C ... but when, I'm really not sure. I'm still about black and white and having things done yesterday and thinking about world affairs and the impact our disassociated race has on the overall energy of the Universe. One thing's for sure, he grounds me and provides a stability that I still believe I do not need. Oh well ... it'll be another year or so and I'll still be wondering about time whenever I happen to glance at C and really, really take note of him ... and how much he's a part of my life.
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13.5.05 13:56
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A Lifetime of Enjoyment
We had an 87 year old General Practitioner in our stroke unit this week - Dr. C.
He had a massive Left MCA Stroke. He has a loving wife and 5 sons, all of whom did not follow in their father's footsteps. Mrs. C said that she was glad none of her sons became physicians "... what with the state of healthcare nowadays and all the bureaucratic b*llsh*t that was involved..." and I couldn't agree with her more!
I asked what specialty Dr. C was in, if he had one (not knowing he was a G.P. at first) and his wife said, "The people caring specialty!"
I smiled.
I had not really, genuinely smiled in awhile. I also had not found the motivation, nor the inspiration to write about my nursing. For a long time now, and for those of you who have been familiar with this blog can attest, that I have not been writing about the other aspects of my life, as much as I had in the past. Such is the reality of BLOG MOODS.
Dr. C's son, Charles said that his dad retired from 'taking care of people' at the age of 83! Dr. C's wife continued on to say how much he really enjoyed his practice. I said, "Really?! Did he really enjoy being a doctor? Did he really LOVE his work?" She said, "OH YES DEAR! It was all he could think about and all he wanted to do from the moment he awoke till the last few seconds before he slept. All his life, he made his practice his LIFE and he really, really ENJOYED doing it."
I looked down at Dr. C. and gently stroked his head and then I placed my hand on his chest and left it there.
"You know .... " I said to his wife and son, " .... that really is so nice to know. I bet his patients just adored him!"
Mrs. C beemed, "OH! They DID dear! They really did!"
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During the night, I would look at Dr. C and stop at his bedside every now and then. He wasn't assigned to me so I really did not have the opportunity to care for him directly. I just stared for a few moments and wondered about how much he enjoyed his work.
It made me think about my work and whether or not I was really, really enjoying it. I imagined myself lying in a hospital bed with C standing next to me and talking to one of the nurses about me, telling them that I was a nurse too. I imagined the nurse asking C if I had enjoyed my job and imagined what C would've said.
He would've said, "I'm not sure. All I can say is, she had been trying to leave nursing for as long as I knew her." The nurse would then ask, "How come she never left then?" And C would say, "Because she felt it was His work and He had not given her permission to leave. I guess now, she can leave."
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16.5.05 07:52
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... still playing
It's not a very good excuse but it is the truth. I've managed to dip into my waning finances and purchase a digital camcorder, right after my purchase of a new digital camera .. and I'm brain deep in manual reading and gadget playing .. and I haven't had this much fun since my Powerbook debut. C does not know it yet, but by next week I would have in my possession a 60 G iPod Photo!  ) I just realized how geaky freaky I really am after learning that I have read both manuals back to front 3 times each! I sleep with them underneath my pillow and take them with me everywhere I go. Now that I have a camcorder, the short-film director/producer/writer/actor is stirring within .. and I just might make a short film series based on Paris Hilton's "A Simple Life" only mine will be called "A Digital Life" - what else?! Casting calls will be easy .. there'll only be one character and that will be be - who else?! I figure this could be a good way to transition into vblogs! - if nothing else! Ta taaaaa
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27.5.05 09:57
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Getting Back With SPIRIT ....
I am admitting out rightly that I have strayed from my spiritual path. Somewhere in the past 6 months I had allowed myself to simply give up. It was getting too difficult and it seemed as though the challenges that were given to me - appeared to be a waste of time to even get involved with.
My SPIRIT paid the price for my laziness. My connections with people were few and they no longer had the component of love and fluidity they had before .. before my spiritual slump.
Today is the 4th day of my Juice fast. I had prepared for the fast with one week of eating light vegetables and fruits, drinking plenty of water, getting at least 7 hours of sleep a day (I usually get 8), mild exercising and routine daily meditating. During the 4 days I continued with the exercising, meditating, dry body brushing, hot and cold showers, and of course drinking only organic vegetable/fruit juices/herbal teas/water.
I needed this cleansing. I NEED this cleansing. I cannot stand it any longer. I would rather be challenged a thousand times more on a spiritual path rather than be complacent to what is created around me. I would rather bear the difficulty of spiritual tasks to complete rather than grow hostile internally and dis-ease my Spirit.
I've realized that the only satisfying life for me is to move deeper into a spiritual path as opposed to moving forward onto any path.
I let my self down, only to rise above the consequences and realize the worth of the work.
I leave you with this:
Each one of us is like a musical note. The more we extend our hearts to make a true connection with someone, we are creating the notes for the melody and harmony of Life's eternal song.
Together, WE ARE THE MUSIC!
We are so connected in this way. We need to fully realize and be AWARE that without one another, there is no song ....
I guess what I am also trying to say here is ... thank you. Thank you 20sixers for carrying on the tune ... while I was off key.
I LOVE YOU ALL! Each and every one of you that I have come to know thru your blogs (in whatever way I've come to know) are extremely special and I am grateful that there is this form of communication to connect with.
I have so much I want to say and I have amazing stories to tell you of things that had happened during the first 3 days of my fast. Beautiful things. Absolutely beautiful things that I know will make your heart smile.
Please wait awhile for me to tell them one by one .. I am still overwhelmed by the events and connections I had that occurred during these 3 days .. and I really need to continue to feel the effects of them alone.
Please. If you ever get the chance to give your mind, body and soul a cleansing, please do try it. It is worth every bit the effort. I will help you.
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30.5.05 15:56
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